"I Ended The Madness Of Dirty John" Survivor Terra Newell Finds Light In The Blackhole Of Sociopathy

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To one woman, he was like a decorated Navy, Vietnam pilot,

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you know, to other people.

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He was

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a serial perpetrator in a sense?

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While staying married to my mother and I, and being a doctor.

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I mean, when I'm thinking about it as an adult, I'm like, how did you.

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I have time to be a doctor.

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He had so many different lives and girlfriends and stories, and it's

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the same with, with this John me and character, like how do these

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people keep all this straight?

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That's how you separate empathetic people from, you know, non-empathetic people.

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And that really defines like the cluster is a lot of like the narcissist

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sociopath, psychopaths, they lack empathy.

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So that's how they're able to get away with things online.

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Really do that.

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They don't have that conscience that it's not right where you know, you and I

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were like, we're telling a lie and we're like, oh my gosh, I can't keep up with

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this because this is, this is a lot.

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Testimony continued today in the most notorious criminal trial

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in Richland county history.

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Dr.

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John Boyle is accused of killing his wife, Marine and burying

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her body in the basement of his new home in Erie, Pennsylvania.

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The 12 year old son lively took the stand.

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As I heard a scream I heard, but it's about this loud.

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We have the jury find the defendant guilty.

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When I was 12 years old, my testimony sent my father to prison for murdering.

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This podcast serves as a type of therapy and reconciliation for myself.

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And it is my hope that it helps anyone who has experienced

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deception, betrayal, and dark trial.

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I'm Collier Landry, and this is Moving Past Murder.

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Hey Movers, what's going on?

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Welcome back to another episode of moving past murder.

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I'm your host Collier Landry and it is so good to be with all of you.

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Once again, here on my YouTube channel on all the audio platforms that you guys

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are listening to apple podcast, Spotify, wherever you get your podcasts from.

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Thank you all so much for being here today is April fool's day.

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As this episode comes out and I wish I had this April fool's

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joke that I could tell you that.

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I just don't have, I thought I could come up with something

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really elaborate, but I can't.

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I mean, I guess my elaborate thing would have been like, what if somebody

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punched somebody at the academy war?

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Oh yeah, that really happened.

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It was a real thing that all happened.

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That was violence that we saw play out on television.

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As Chris rock said, that was like the greatest moment in television history.

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Um, no, it really wasn't.

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It was really unfortunate.

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Um, but speaking of about, uh, violence on television, that is what we are going

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to talk about today with my guests.

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But first want to say thank you for being.

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If you can, and you're watching this on YouTube, please click like and subscribe.

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It helps with the algorithm.

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It's right down here somewhere.

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Follow me on all the socials at call your Landry, Instagram, Twitter.

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You guys know I go live every Tuesday on Instagram, live 11:00 AM Pacific

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2:00 PM Eastern time on every Tuesday.

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And also I have set up a Patrion for you guys to help support the

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program because you guys have asked.

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How can we solve to support the program?

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That is how you can do it, because this enables me to continue to deliver

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content that I feel speaks to you guys, my audience, and you guys are reaching

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out and really engaging with me.

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And that is fantastic.

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So I know what I'm doing is really helping a lot of people.

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It helps me.

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It helps you.

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It's really cool to do, but I do have to keep the lights on.

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So there's my.

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I appreciate it so much.

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If you can do it, if not, it's okay.

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Just support by telling your friends, family, getting people, driving people

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to the program, because one day this will be a fantastic little enterprise

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that I can constantly do for you guys, because I really, really love it.

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I gotta be honest.

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I have found this medium of podcasting and content creation that is based solely on.

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Really amazing.

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And as a lot of you guys know, I am a filmmaker, that's what I do for a living.

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I made a murder Mansfield.

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I've made a bunch of other things I have for you guys that don't know.

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I have directed two music videos that have over a billion hits on YouTube.

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That's crazy.

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I am not in the music videos, but the artist is so talented that I work with.

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I have just been very blessed in that world.

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Um, so everything is very cool.

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And anyways, I love creating content for you guys.

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That's what I want to do enough about.

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It's about you guys.

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So I have a comment that came in from a viewer, Elena Butler on YouTube, and

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she says, as a psychologist, I know that it's difficult to explain to girls and

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women that they need to run away from a sociopathic partner, as soon as possible.

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Then they give them another chance.

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Elena.

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Um, and she was referring to, she had just watched my sociopath showdown or

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sociopath mash-up episode comparing my father to that of Chris Watts, um, who

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was a killer in Frederick, Colorado.

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I won't rehash that story.

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It's really terrible.

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Um, and yes, there.

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It is a real thing.

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And it's just not only for women, it is for men as well, but is obviously

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we know way more common for women.

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Look, my mother couldn't get away from associate path and her

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life was taken because of that.

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And, um, It's really, really hard.

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It, when you are in a relationship that deals with people that are

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having like coercive control and manipulation tactics and gaslighting,

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it gets really, really confusing.

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It's it affects your family.

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It affects your life.

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You feel like you're going crazy.

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These are all normal things, and this is why I make all this stuff.

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That's why I share my father's letters.

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I share my experiences with you and I talk to really interesting people,

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which is what we are coming to today.

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So there are many times when I engage with a lot of you, uh, in the real world

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and or you reach out to me and you guys have some really incredible stories and.

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A lot of you say, oh, you know, call your eyes.

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I feel bad telling you my story because there's no, it's not really,

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as it's not horrible, like yours is.

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Look as I tell everyone, your experience is unique to you guys.

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Just like, my experience is unique to me.

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This is not a contest to see who can one up them with the worst shit

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that has happened to all of us.

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I understand that I am the exception and not the rule when it comes to like trauma

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and overcoming all of these really hard.

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Things that could happen in a person's life, but in no way, shape or form.

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Does that ever discount the way that you guys are feeling when you're in

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these relationships or you are in these scenarios, or you have to deal with

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something that is really harrowing and you really have to find the

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courage within yourself to overcome those extraordinary circumstances and

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defy seemingly insurmountable odds.

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So very rarely do I come across some.

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Who has a story that I go, whoa, that is really, that really hits home

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because I can totally relate to you.

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Well, I had the pleasure of getting to know this young woman who I just

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felt this like instant connection with because wow, she's been through it too.

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And on the flip side, when her.

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The perpetrator that was in her life was exerting curlers, coercive control over

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her mother and her family and her sisters.

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She was faced with a choice, a life or death choice.

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I am talking about Terra Newell.

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She is the daughter of Debra Newell.

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She was played by Julia Garner on the first season of the

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wildly successful podcast.

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Turn television series.

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Dirty John, about the story of real life con artist, John Meaghan, who posed as

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a very successful anesthesiologist and got involved and got married to her

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mother, Deborah, and then proceeded to re.

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Unbelievable havoc on her family.

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So much show that it ended up confronting her in a parking garage, in

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an apartment complex in orange county.

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When John Meehan sought out to take Terra's life and by the grace

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of God or divine intervention or whatever you want to call it.

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The knife that he was trying to attack her with flew out of his hand, Tara

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found the strength to grab that knife and defended herself and killed John Mehan.

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And that might sound to a lot of you like a really extreme situation because it

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is, but also we're going to talk about.

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Yes, she defended herself, but she also, you know, is dealing with the

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fact and struggling with the trauma of not only the violation of seeing

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this man, just pick apart her family and exert this control over her

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mother, but also common attack her.

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And then for her to find the strength and turn around and

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be able to defend herself just.

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Defend herself against this guy.

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You know, she's an incredible young woman who has come through so much

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and still like myself every day deals with this trauma and, and has to put

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on a brave face for the world and say, Hey, I'm here, but she's done that.

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And it's just one of those stories that really warms my heart.

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So it was really privileged to get to know my guests today.

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And I am pleased to welcome to the program.

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Terra Newell

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my guest today is Terra Newell, and I'm pronouncing that correctly general.

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Uh, my guest today is Terra Newell and we are discussing

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the real story of dirty John.

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And, um, and as we are both true crime survivors, um, so Terra what I want to

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ask you is because of my sort of position that we were just talking about this

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previously, um, So crime con is coming up.

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The end of April, we were talking about going and as people that have been

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through this, and then there's a fan base.

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So one of my, sort of, um, things that I have been very.

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I wouldn't say obsessed with, but trying to understand as someone

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who has lived through all of this stuff is why do you think people

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are so obsessed with true crime?

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I mean, there's a convention crime con.

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And why do you think it's so popular?

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I was, uh, you know, my family's case and what happened with.

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Is one of the, it was on forensic files and it's one of theirs.

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There's 450 episodes in that show.

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I'm like top 10 of what happened.

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And I, I was speaking to the woman, who's writing the book, uh, race, a blog

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forensic files now, which is a huge blog.

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And it is writing the book on forensic files.

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I said, what do you think it is?

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Why people are so obsessed with true crime.

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So as someone who's been through it, who's lived through these

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extraordinary circumstances.

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What do you, why do you think.

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So

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I think that it is very intriguing to know why people do the most evil

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act that a person can do in a sense.

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And I think that people are curious to that reason, but

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also, you know, going back to.

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Ted Bundy.

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And like people kind of like Laura rising him.

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I think people are attracted to these perpetrators in a sense.

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And they want to know, well, like, you know, not everyone.

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I think that there's two types of people, you know, there's

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the people that go into it.

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They're wanting to know why these evil acts are done.

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And then there's the people that are like, Genuis like curious, like.

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You know, this person's attractive.

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Like, why am I attracted to them and why are they doing this stuff?

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And so they want to get more involved with their own curiosity.

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So it's always like something intrigues them to look further

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into this case or whatever.

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At least for me, I like to look into cases and understand

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like the psychopathy of things.

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Yeah, me too.

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For sure.

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I, um, Yeah, I think that, um, cause I just have the hardest time because these.

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These, you know, I got into doing the podcast as my way of, of healing.

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And I, I, you know, starting back with a film, right.

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A murderer may as well.

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I got into it because I wanted to heal myself and change one person's

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life and bring forward these things.

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Now this was of my own doing, you know, I created the concept.

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It was originally a pilot for television.

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And then, you know, perch investigation, discovery agent, this whole.

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Barbara Kopple two-time Oscar or got involved and then we made the film.

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Right.

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But, um, for you and your circumstance, yours is a little different with telling

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your story because there was, and this is something I would love to, you know,

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I want to talk with you with your mother, but it, you know, there's this journalist

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that told this story, it became this podcast, 50 million people listened.

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Then it became a television show and.

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You know, obviously when you make a documentary, you don't make any money.

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Right?

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Um,

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sometimes

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meet with myself personally.

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Cause I, I hardly made anything.

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I didn't do it for money.

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I did my mother's story and things of that nature, but.

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It's interesting because there's all these people that sort of profit along the way.

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Right.

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And, um, you know, like forensic files through, they do a story about

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case there's, you know, there's very large podcasts that make a tremendous

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amount of money and sign big deals with companies based upon sort of.

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I mean to not to be morbid about it, but it's almost like they, they

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profit on the suffering of others.

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Right.

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The exploitation of other people's stories.

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So when, you know, when something like dirty, John came out and I

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actually had friends that worked on the show, um, the, the, you know, the

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first season about your story, um, D.

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Um, and correct me if I'm wrong.

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Did Juno temple play you?

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Um, so

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general temple played my sister and then Julia gardener played me in the show.

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Got it.

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Sorry.

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Oh, no worries.

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Um, so I think that, uh, you know, when you look at these things,

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People sort of take them over and then it becomes this whole machine.

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I mean, how much, how much influence do you have in something like that?

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I think people are really curious about that because I think that

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they just go, at least in my case.

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Oh yeah, you made all this money off this.

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I was like, no, that's not how it works, but other people did.

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And other people do and other people use it.

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And I think that it borders.

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Let me when I, you know, the purpose of this podcast is to talk to somebody

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like yourself, survivors, people, how did you use called moving past murder?

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So how do you move past these things?

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And we'll get into that in a second, but what I, what I am also very

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fascinated with is how there's this become this whole culture of

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obsession and how people cash in on it.

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And it, you know, for me, I did, I feel like I did it for the right

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reasons for you and your mother.

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I feel like you do it for the right reasons.

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How do you sort of straddle that juxtaposition with

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people that are profiting.

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So I want to, um, tell everyone that, like, if you go on a podcast and

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you share like all of your story, that becomes public information.

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And my mom and I didn't know this, we just wanted to do the podcast

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to create awareness for women and.

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You know, I was very religious with God at that time.

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So I felt that it was God telling me that I needed to share the story.

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And I prayed, did everything and waited for that answer.

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So I felt it was God's calling and then it gets turned into this TV show and stuff.

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And it's kind of crazy because the LA times sold our story rights.

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Um, and we did get a little bit from that.

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Um, well, you know, you get like a paycheck for selling part of your story

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rights, if you get involved in the story.

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Um, so I was appreciative of them bringing us in like that, but then I

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was also talking to other agents, seeing if like we could sell the story and.

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It was a bit more complicated than me trying to sell my

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story, if that makes sense.

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Yeah.

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Um, so it kinda sucked because I'm living in my trauma and I have to relive it

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when I watched the TV and I'm living like a broke college student right now.

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And there's nothing wrong about it, but it's like, well, actually there

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is, you know, there's people that are benefiting off of my trauma.

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And I'm here paying like hundreds of thousand dollars in therapy

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while at least my mom is for me.

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And I'm so thankful that I have thought support, but if I didn't, I

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would be, I don't know what I would do to be honest, because just there

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are some days where I can't get it fully together and you know, your.

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I don't know.

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It's just like, you have to take that time off and do yourself carrying

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do your things so that you don't.

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And for me, and I hate to say this so that I don't go straight into fight mode and

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want to strangle the person next to me.

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Yeah.

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It's I I'm.

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I, so out of anybody, I can understand exactly what you're

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talking about because I've been there.

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And whereas I had some control over the story because.

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Yeah.

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So I took the initiative for all of that is why I came to Hollywood.

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But when I do see, I remember watching and I watched the show probably

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maybe a year and a half ago, I think.

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And I literally watched it.

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I had no idea what.

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And I literally watched it because my friends worked on it and they were

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like, oh, I'm working on dirty John with Eric Bana and Connie Britton.

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I was like, oh, I used to watch Nat.

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I'm sure you watched you like country music.

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I'm sure you watched it and were a massive fan as I was.

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I have

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friends working on this show too.

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So I was like, yeah, it was, it was exciting because of that, you know?

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Exactly.

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And that's how I watched it.

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And then I started doing a little backstory on it and I was like, oh,

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This is what I hate about this whole situation is I, I know as somebody

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who has been through all this, and I know that it's like, oh yeah, this

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and this is not to shame anyone for profiting or anything like that.

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This is not what I'm doing here.

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But what I'm saying is is your intention.

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R to get the story out, to help other people like me.

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I want to show, and you know, in my, in the film I confront my father in prison,

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ask him why did he kill my mother?

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He's a sociopath.

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He, you know, his name is John ironically, um, and was a dog, but he was a real

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doctor and he, uh, You know, I see.

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So, I mean, complete parallel traits, you know, the cur, uh, the course of

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control, manipulation, gas lighting, you know, my father is a legit sociopath and

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psychopath probably I think, from what I've listened to, even in the podcast

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describing John, John Meaghan, right.

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Is.

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W, you know, that was the same thing in this isolation that they do.

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And it just growing up with that as a child, and then you see it.

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And then, you know, I, on this, on this show, I read my

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father's letters from prison.

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In fact, you know, I did an episode yesterday where I read

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it and it's just staggering.

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You know, I have letters from my father over a period of 30 years, you know,

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he went, this all happened in 1990.

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So from 1990 to like 20, 22, or I don't, he hasn't written me lately.

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I have these letters and this, the shit that he would write me

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as a child and blaming me, you know, in the film we show these.

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But blaming me and, and just the manipulation that

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he it's, it's staggering.

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When you're a child, you don't realize this is going on.

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And I remember my adopted parents would read the letters.

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They would open every letter that would come to the house because they

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wanted to see what was going on.

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Um, because they were looking to protect me, right.

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Because I w w w you know, my family abandoned me.

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I go into the foster care system.

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I tell I testify against my father.

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I'm still in the foster care system.

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I'm finally adopted out to a family.

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And then, uh, or they get custody of me and that I'm finally adopted.

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It'd be like a year later.

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Right.

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So they wanted to be protective and they got, they also knew my

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father, well, I was, I stayed in the small town that I was in.

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Right.

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And it was a massive, and look, you come from orange county.

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So even though it's Southern California, people think.

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Orange county.

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I mean, what are you guys Newport or, or Irvine?

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It's a very small town vibe in orange county.

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100%.

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It is so different from LA in that, in those terms where it is close to

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two major cities in California, but orange county is very much like I've

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done a lot of business down there.

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I lived down there before, when it first came to California.

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It's very small town vibe.

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So when things like this happen, it just sort of overtakes

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your world like it did for me.

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Eh, it's, it's interesting too, to speak to someone like yourself, who's

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been through the same thing and hear it now, you know, you meant you were going

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to the Jason Aldeen concert the day that when you, you know, well, I have

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a couple of questions about that day.

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Um, and I don't really want to really, we look, we're not here to relive what

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happened because everybody knows that they can tune in to other podcasts.

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I guess my thing is there was something that I lived when I

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was listening to the podcast.

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And there was the moment which is this very sad moment in, in the fact that

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look, it's all tragic, it's tragic for you, is tragic for your mother is tragic

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for your friends, your F your family.

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It's also tragic for his family and, and for him as well, that people resort

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to these types of things and that they think this is their only way out.

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And, and then you're put in this position where you're having to

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defend yourself, um, and feeling like your life is threatened.

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I do want to know, you know, one of the biggest things for me is I was

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yanked out of my home the day before they discovered my mother's body.

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And they said, you know, 20 minutes to pack a bag, you got 20 minutes.

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Boom, boom, boom.

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My dog was there and they said, well, we'll come back for your dog.

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And I never saw my dog again.

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I want to know what happened to cat.

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Oh, my gosh, you're going to make me cry now.

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Um, and Murphy and Murphy too.

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I must such a big dog lover and my Chihuahua would just turn 15

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or 17 on the fifth, March 5th.

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And she's like my little angel and I all, I love, I love animals so much.

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And, um, I thought about that, like this little heroic doggy, you know, and, and,

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and, but, but getting back to what I was gonna say was there was this moment.

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When they were talking about you guys were at the crematorium and

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he's in the cardboard box and you guys watched the bodyguard.

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Well, I

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wasn't married.

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I was at home on the couch.

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Yeah.

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I had nothing to do.

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And I had, well, my mom came back and she like had his, um, life

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rights in a sense, so she could sign off on his death and pull the pug.

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And we actually had her sign over the right student sister, because we.

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I didn't think that that would look good.

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And I don't think that she should have had that responsibility,

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especially after what I had to do.

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You know, I don't think that that should have been her choice.

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So we had her sign over it to her sister and cash.

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Speaking of cash.

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She actually like went with me down the hospital and stuff too, and cash was okay.

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But, um, cash passed away this past.

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I'm so sorry, I'm a brain tumor and you know, I love him and, but

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it was, it was his time to go.

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Sure.

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You know, um, I actually had an ex passed away the same day as him and

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that ex hit me with a car and stuff.

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So it was like that he had to leave his role as my protection.

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Murphy is with my brother and his family that has kids and

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she's living her best life.

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That's good.

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You know, that was one of the things with, when I made my film, I screened it in my

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hometown and we had the projector go out.

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Cause it was so hot, the projector overheated and it shut down.

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There's this woman that was trying to get, I could see, was trying to

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get my attention amongst the crowds at the beginning, before the film

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started because of that moment.

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And this was like probably one of the most amazing things about like making

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the film and, you know, because you're trying to get answers that you don't have.

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Right.

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I don't know much about my family or anything because my father's a lying

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sociopath and my mother is dead.

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Right.

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So I don't really know my family history much.

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And my, and my immediate family does not speak to me.

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So I don't know anything.

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Right.

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But one of the things, it was always.

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Just, you know, carry with me as like what happened to my dog and this woman

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was she, I noticed her and then she came up during this force intermission.

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I swear to God, this was my mother's, you know, obviously you're very, you're

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very spiritual and very religious.

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So you understand, like, there are, you know, God works in mysterious ways, right?

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So was projectors shuts down as we're seeing this gruesome scene of me looking

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at the case files with her body, right.

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Cuts right there.

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And this woman comes up to me and she goes, you know, I wanted

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to say something to you earlier.

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I was like, yeah, I saw you.

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And she goes, I, I think we had your dog.

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Was it a wire hair?

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Fox terror.

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I'm just like in complete shock.

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I like the whole world tunes out and I'm like, oh my God.

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And she's like, was it a wired hair?

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Foxtel?

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I was like, yes.

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And I started like tearing up and she goes, I just want you to know, I grew

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up on a farm and we had horses and pigs and he, he lived the best life

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and he lived till he was like 14 and he had the best life and he would go

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sleep with the little piggies at night in the pig pen because he loved them.

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They were, they would play together.

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And he, he, he.

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Life that he was loved.

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He had free and he could run around on this farm.

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And I was just like, oh, I'm just like balling full on balling because

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it was just like, this is so amazing because you know, when you talk about,

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I don't want to call it exploitation, but when you, when people are profiting

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off of your story or people are, um, know they're getting money from what

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has happened to you, I mean, just, they are profiting off of your story.

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There are amazing little bits that you, at least for me, that you,

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you, they can never get that are way beyond money, which is the benefit.

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And, and, and with you guys calling forth this behavior, because this happens so

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much, and you think about how women.

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You know, there's so many domestically abusive situations around the world.

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Misogyny is so rampant.

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And then you have, um, you know, with the case of my mother, you know, there's

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a staggering statistic that 45% of the murders in the United States go unsolved.

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And the fact that when the police initially treated it as a missing

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persons case, and if it wasn't for that detective coming to the house

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and, and listening to me when I pulled them aside and said, my mother is.

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Not my mother didn't get a fight with my dad and my mother's dead.

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Those types of cases are, are, were littered with those cautionary tales

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because so many of these people, um, these women will go missing and

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nobody ever hears from them again.

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So when you, it's amazing with you guys telling that story, there is so much good

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that that does because it allows other women and other people to stand up and go.

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We're not going to take this or re or recognizing the signs of this because

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it's so insidious and just, just you with your mother and the, and the way

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he was predatory with you and your siblings of the isolation and all of that.

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I mean, it's, you know, COVID that we came through where people are

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locked in together and whatnot.

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So it's, um, it's a thing, you know, it's a, and, and, and it's amazing

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that you guys, despite not profiting off of that financially, the good

Speaker: 00:29:06

that you've put out into the world.

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Is incredible.

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And I want to just commend you for that.

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That's all I know.

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It's hard.

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And if somebody, I understand it, like I get it, you know, thank

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you.

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Like I get that.

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And I'm like, I can see like your emotions coming through, you know,

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and that you just kind of want to make sure, like, when you ask me

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questions and stuff that it's like very.

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Not like disturbing my trauma and stuff.

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And I just like how you talk.

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I like can see that you're so in that gets it, you know,

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where there's like people that.

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You know, and I love these people because there's all these

Speaker: 00:29:47

different people, but they ask like, oh, didn't you stab that guy?

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And you're like, well, that's not really appropriate say, but let's talk about it.

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Oh yeah.

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And it's, and it's interesting, you know, and I think that, so how really fast,

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how old were you when this happened?

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I was

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twenty-five years old.

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Well, I was 24 when he, um, my mom met him, but I was 25.

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When the accident, the trauma happened.

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Yeah.

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So you are, you know, and just as someone, you know what me, when I was listening

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to your story and thinking about it before this interview, one of the things.

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You know, I understand that he was a large guy and I, and I understand he

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had kind of deteriorated in size, but he was like, I think I, at one point he

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was 6, 2, 2 30 or something like that.

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That's a big dude.

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I mean, I'm 6, 2, 200 pounds and I'm a big guy and I work out and, you know,

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um, but I re I remember thinking, and I, and I'm assuming you're much smaller.

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And I remember thinking, wow, I wonder, even though we were 12 years difference

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at the time, 13 years difference.

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What.

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That would have been the same thing with me taking on my father.

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Right.

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Because I heard the thuds in the middle of the night.

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I heard the footsteps down the hall and I could see my father's

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footsteps feet in the doorway.

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Cause I slept with my door open and it was laying like this.

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And I was terrified.

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I was looking at this Batman clock on the wall.

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But I was out of my peripheral vision, but I didn't just go like this.

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Cause I wonder if I had gone like this, would I have gotten up what

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I've gotten to confrontation with him?

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Would he have killed me?

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You know, because you're, you're, you're in that mode where you're going to,

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because the, the murder was premeditated.

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He had bought the house.

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He'd asked about lowering the basement floor.

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He dug a grave for her there.

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You know, he rented a jackhammer previously to do it.

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It wasn't a crime of passion in it.

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I mean, it was like, oh, I just decided to kill my wife one night.

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He was, it was planned for months and months and months.

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Um, yeah, he bought the indoor outdoor carpeting that was sitting on our porch

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and our other house in our, in our house in Mansfield, Ohio months before all this

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happened, which is what he used to cover her body up underneath the concrete.

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I mean, it's insane, but.

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I lost my train of thought for a second.

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I'm so sorry, but I guess, I guess, um, w what I was thinking is is your, when I

Speaker: 00:32:05

thought about your struggle, it took me to that, like, you know, 11 year old boy,

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almost 12 years old, and what I would have to do if I can front of my father.

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And I just, um, you know, I think there was, there was this illusion of like,

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how did she do, how did this happen?

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Um, you know, she was so much smaller and it's just, and I listened to it and I go.

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When you're in that situation and then you have the force, God, whoever's protecting

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you is like this isn't going to happen.

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Not, not today, but he got on my watch on my watch and it's,

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and it's the same thing with me.

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When I, you know, I went to the investigator, I said, my mother is dead.

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And my father, because my father said, you know, I woke up the next morning.

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I went into the bedroom, looking for her body, looking for blood.

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I came downstairs and I said to my father, I said, where is my mother?

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And he said, mommy took a little vacation.

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And then he, we went into this like whole thing of, oh, we're

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not going to call the police.

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We got into this fight.

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We're not calling the police.

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We're not calling the FBI, the FBI.

Speaker: 00:33:02

He said the FBI.

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And I'm thinking to myself at the time, even as a 11 year old child,

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why would we call the F what does the FBI have anything to do with this?

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You know, but I'm, you know, I had that moment and people ask me,

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well, how did you find the resolve to, to testify against your father

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and, and to, you know, cause I testified again, My mother's friends.

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I said, you need to call the police.

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I was the one that promoted the, you know, made sure that he got arrested, made

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sure that he went to prison and people are like, well, how did you do that?

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And I think that you draw upon that same thing, this isn't happening on my watch.

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And you, you almost use this power that you harness from and not to be who we

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do about it, but you have all of this come in and that's what gives you the

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strength and the fortitude to act?

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Oh yeah.

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Well, in that moment I felt like.

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It was just like, it was that moment that everything needed to happen.

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You know, that's how everything was going to end.

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It.

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Wasn't going to end with him just magically going away.

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He, it was going to be a death of someone.

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And in that moment it was.

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The knife, leave it exactly how I needed it to be.

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And so I picked it up and didn't give it a second thought then.

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And it was like, everything worked together and I'm scared to death of blood.

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So I only got stabbed twice.

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And for being in a altercation with someone of that size, that is a miracle

Speaker: 00:34:30

for me to come out of it with just like two stab wounds that were not.

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Yeah, it was amazing.

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It's amazing.

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And people don't understand, you know, when you think of, you know, my

Speaker: 00:34:43

father smashed the back of my mother's Scotland and then suffocate over

Speaker: 00:34:47

the plastic bag, I think that, you know, look, all crimes are heinous.

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All murders are heinous.

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All these, these things are bad.

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Right.

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But something.

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If you shoot someone with a gun you're far away, you shoot them.

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It's not personal to take a knife and to stab some or to

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come after someone with a knife.

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Like you, there has to be so much, there's so much behind all of that.

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Cause it's gruesome.

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It's just like suffocating my father, you know, and for him to come at you

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like that is just shows the, the.

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Mentality and the psychopathy behind all of that.

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And I, and again, when I'm listening to, to it, I just draw these

Speaker: 00:35:26

immediate parallels to my father.

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100% just that, you know, everything.

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And because my father not only had us as a family, my father had multiple

Speaker: 00:35:35

fails fairs and multiple girlfriends, multiple stories over his life.

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Of different things like to one woman, he was like a decorated Navy, Vietnam

Speaker: 00:35:45

pilot, you know, to other people.

Speaker: 00:35:48

He was a perpetrator in a sense

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while staying married to my mother and I, and being a doctor.

Speaker: 00:35:54

I mean, when I think about it as an adult, I'm like, I have time to be a doctor.

Speaker: 00:35:59

He had so many different lives and girlfriends and stories.

Speaker: 00:36:03

And you think about these things and it's the same with, with this

Speaker: 00:36:06

Jami and character, you think about these things and you're like, how

Speaker: 00:36:09

does all this, like, how do these people keep all this straight?

Speaker: 00:36:14

I don't know, because if I tell a lie, I'm like, oh my God.

Speaker: 00:36:20

I got to like, get this right?

Speaker: 00:36:22

Because I can't keep up with this.

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This is terrible.

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How, how in the world?

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Um, but that's how you separate empathetic people from, you

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know, non-empathetic people.

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And that really defines like the cluster BS.

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A lot of like the narcissist sociopath, psychopaths, not really

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talking about bipolar and that region of it, but there's so many.

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They lack empathy.

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So that's how they're able to get away with things online, really do that

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because they don't have that conscience that it's not right where you know,

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you and I were like, we're telling a lie and we're like, oh my gosh, I

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can't keep up with this because this is, this is a lie, you know, know the

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difference between right and wrong.

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Well, that pretty much sums it up.

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Um,

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you know, when I listened to Terra's story and of course I have seen

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the show dirty John, and when I was watching it and I didn't listen to

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the podcast initially, but when I I've listened to it since obviously, but,

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um, You know, I drew so many parallels.

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Like I was telling her with my father, like the alternative lifestyle and, or

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I'm sorry, the alternative lifestyle, the alternative life that these

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people, the sociopath's these nurses.

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They create their own Walter Mitty world and they live in it and they

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exist and then they suck you into it and then may suck the life out of you.

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And thank God that he actually didn't take this brave young woman's

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life and that she didn't do that.

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He didn't do more damage than he already did to her and her family

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and her mother and her sisters.

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You know, the impacts of violence and the consequences of violence.

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Like I've said many times, like I've said in my film, a murder and Mansfield,

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it's like a ripple effect that just goes through communities and people.

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And this happened in orange county, California, which is a suburb of

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Los Angeles, but is also a very tight knit, close community.

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And everyone knows each other.

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I've spent a lot of time in orange county.

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It's a very beautiful place, but it also like it's like a small, it has a

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small time, a small town feel to it.

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Um, So it was a big deal.

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Uh, in the community.

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So I salute Terra.

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I salute her mother for having the strength to really carry on with their

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lives, because I know how that feels.

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And I know what it feels like to put a brave face on and they're

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in the public eye and they.

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A ton of scrutiny.

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You had a television show made about you with movie stars, playing your characters

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and films, you know, television stars.

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Um, it's, it's a, it's a thing it's a real thing.

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And that she deals with every day.

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So, uh, thank you to Tara for being on the program.

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It was so amazing to talk to you and I just, I think she's so great.

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So, um, yeah, and I think.

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Look, what we see people that go through these circumstances like

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Terra, like Deborah, like myself, the lesson I think to really take away is.

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You got to work on yourself and you've got to really just, you get gotta, you

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know, not to sound cliche, but you got to move past it and you find that way,

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whatever that you weigh is unique to you and to what you're doing, you know, for

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me, it was to be an artist and create and tell my mother's story for Terra.

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It's working with animals and empowering other young women to learn self-defense

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and self-care, and self-love.

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All else and not relying on, oh, I've got to find a man to make me feel better.

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No, I have to feel better about myself.

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And these are really empowering important messages for anyone, whether you're male,

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female, transgender, whatever your, your thing is, whatever you identify as, we are

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all human beings at the end of the day.

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And it's all about finding, finding what is important to

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you and realizing that you have.

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Are enough, like you're enough.

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You don't need people to validate you for who you are.

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You are enough.

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As long as you are a good person, you try to be kind to

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everyone, including yourself.

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Look, I'm not here to pontificate on what to do with your life.

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But I am saying if you, in my personal experience, when you lead with

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integrity and honesty and just bravery into the world, whatever scenario

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you're facing, you're going to be ok.

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So on that note, I'm Collier Landry and this is moving past murder.

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Thanks y'all.

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This podcast is made possible by support from listeners, just like.

Speaker: 00:41:11

Please subscribe via apple podcast, Spotify, audible.

Speaker: 00:41:15

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Speaker: 00:41:24

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Speaker: 00:41:27

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Speaker: 00:41:29

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